Before You Have Too Much Hope For The Human Race
Posted on | February 10, 2010 | No Comments
I often find myself awed by the latest scientific discoveries or technological advances. In particular moments of weakness, I even catch myself thinking that maybe we’re not so hopeless a species after all. Then I remind myself that:
- There are people who believe that every single malady that befalls society – terrorist attack, new virus, plane crash – is a well-conceived and brilliantly executed conspiracy by the U.S. government and/or the evil New World Order. Or aliens.
- There are people who believe that by diluting a substance by water to the point that no original molecules exist, the water will “remember” the molecules and thus treat certain diseases and ailments. Yes, these people walk among us and are everywhere.
- There are people who are perfectly willing to defraud others of their life savings in order to live in a large house, wear expensive shoes, and vacation in the tropics.
- There are people who believe it their moral obligation to prevent others from living their lives as they choose. So they object and discriminate – sometimes violently – against what others’ religious beliefs are, which consenting adults others choose to have sex with, what kind of sex they choose to have, and how patriotic others are.
- There are people who think it perfectly fine to have a brood of children, despite having no financial means to support them.
“What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason!
how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how ex-
press and admirable! in action how like an angel! in
apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the
world! the paragon of animals! and yet, to me, what
is this quintessence of dust? man delights not me;
no, nor woman neither”
-Hamlet
There, optimism cured.
Tags: conspiracy theory > homeopathy > stupidity
Jesse Ventura – Sellout or Moron?
Posted on | December 16, 2009 | 2 Comments
Let me just start by saying that, until recently, I really liked Jesse Ventura. I liked the character he played in Predator, I liked his independent-party / can’t-be-bought term as Minnesota’s governor, and I really liked his courageous publicly-stated opinions against organized religion and for the legalization of prostitution.
But what the hell happened recently? Now he is hosting a new TV show called Conspiracy Theory in which he all but states that he believes the government – i.e. the Bush administration – planned the 9/11 horror by a controlled demolition of the Twin Towers and a missile (not an airplane) into the Pentagon, solely to justify their later actions of invading Iraq and Afghanistan and passing the freedom-crushing Patriot Act.
Huh? Does he – or anyone of sane mind – think that George W. Bush, who could barely manage to speak at a high-school level, could mastermind a huge conspiracy against his own nation and actually pull it off? This defies both probability and logic. As the old saying goes, “Two people can keep a secret as long as one of them is dead.” In a day and age where the smallest transgression or misstep is eagerly discovered and reported by the press, Jesse Ventura will have you believe that hundreds of U.S. military and civilian employees conspired to murder their own citizens and then stayed absolutely quiet about it. Ya, right. That’s as preposterous as it gets. Not to mention that President Bush and his putative co-conspirators risked, if they were caught, being labeled as some of the most villainous monsters in human history, spoken in the same breath as Hitler or Stalin.
Which leaves me to wonder: does Jesse really believe this nonsense? Or is he just paying the rent by feeding baloney to the reason-impaired American public?
Either way, I no longer respect the man.
Tags: 9/11 conspiracy > conspiracy theory > controlled demolition > george w. bush > jesse ventura
Who Falls For This Crap?
Posted on | October 31, 2009 | 1 Comment
I know newspapers are hurting these days, as they have failed to keep up with the technological changes in the world. But are things so bad that mainstream papers have to take advertising dollars from outright scam artists? Are things so desperate for them that the editor can’t reject a fake-Amish-mantle-heater-energy-saving-scam-device-that-is-actually-made-in-China ad?
Here is the jewel that I found in today’s newspaper:
You would have to be pretty devoid of brain cells to think any part of this ad was real. URGENT HEALTH ALERT. Fake good-looking twenty-something scientists in white lab coats holding up test tubes and looking through microscopes, while the scam artist’s Cylapril product is (badly) Photoshopped into the photo. Ugh.
“Researchers discover main ingredient in new diet pill produces legitimate weight loss.” How much you wanna bet that the main ingredient is caffeine?
“Shipments being rushed … to meet huge demand” What morons are falling for this baloney?
I know it’s a free country, and I know that people should be free to waste their money however they choose, and I know that a fool and his/her money were lucky to get together in the first place, but I just can’t shake the desire to round up these scammer charlatans, force-feed them some useless diet pills, and then roast them alive on an overpriced Amish space heater.
Tags: amish space heater > diet pills > idiots > newspapers > scams > stupidity
Islam Is Not Peaceful, People Are Peaceful
Posted on | September 7, 2009 | No Comments
I cannot count the number of times that I have heard a Muslim state emphatically that Islam is a peaceful religion. This declaration is normally proffered on the heels of some horribly violent world event, such as another suicide bomber, now on his glorious path to awaiting virgins (who is dim enough to buy into such tripe anyway?)
But anyone who believes that the Koran is a holy, sacred text cannot make such an assertion, at least while clinging to any tendrils of logic or honesty. Here are a few passages to consider: (source)
- Those who resist Allah and his messenger will be humbled to dust. (Koran 58:5)
- Slay the idolaters wherever you find them, and take them captives and besiege them and lie in wait for them in every ambush. (Koran 9:5)
- I will instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers, Smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger tips of them. (Koran 8:12)
- The unbelievers among the People of the Book and the pagans shall burn for ever in the fire of Hell. They are the vilest of all creatures. Koran (98:1-8)
- The punishment of those who wage war against Allah and His apostle and strive to make mischief in the land is only this, that they should be murdered or crucified or their hands and their feet should be cut off on opposite sides or they should be imprisoned; this shall be as a disgrace for them in this world, and in the hereafter they shall have a grievous chastisement (Koran 5:33)
- A Muslim may not be killed if he kills a non-Muslim (Al Bukhari Vol 9:50)
- Fight against those who believe not in Allah, and those who acknowledge not the religion of truth [Islam], until they are subdued. (Surat At-Taubah 9:29)
- Whoever changes his Islamic religion, kill him. (Sahih Al-Bukhari 9:57)
Seems pretty clear to me. Muslims must not tolerate infidels. Rather, these non-believers should be sought out and murdered. Any Muslim who shirks his or her duty is not being true to the holy book and its directives.
Being a to-the-letter-of-the-book Muslim would be a full time job, indeed, much like working 16-hour shifts in a butcher shop.
So, to be clear, those people who say that Islam is peaceful (and believe it) are really saying that they are peaceful. They are cherry-picking out the parts of their religion that they find distasteful. Just like adherents of all the other major religions.
Tags: islam > islam is not peaceful > religion
All Theories Are Equally Valid – You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me!
Posted on | August 2, 2009 | No Comments
What is it with those people who claim that “since we aren’t 100% sure about X, then all theories must be considered equally valid”?
Really? REALLY?
If this were truly the case, I doubt that we could survive even ten minutes in this world. For example, take getting up in the morning. I have just woken and I am considering sitting up in bed. One theory is that I will able to do so without harm, as I have the past 10,000+ mornings. But another theory is that a local maniac has installed a nasty set of blades that will lop off my head once I raise it from the pillow. Since I “cannot be 100% sure that this is false,” I must conclude that it is a valid theory and therefore has equal likelihood. So at this point I have a 50% morning survival rate.
With a lump in my throat and a feeling of foreboding, I take my life into my hands and sit up. Nothing happens. Whew. But now I must place my feet on the carpet. A theory just popped into my head that, due to an overnight electrical short, the carpet may now be running high voltage through it that will kill me instantly upon contact. (Never you mind that carpet fibers are not electrically conductive. That is science and we all know that science does not have all the answers and is sometimes wrong.)
So now I face another 50/50 chance of survival. Brazenly and without regard to the peril, I get out of bed and stand on the carpet. No electrocution occurs. But now I must walk out of the room toward the bathroom and it occurs to me that all the dust mites in the apartment may have organized overnight and gnawed a trapdoor in my floor, designed for me to fall through to my death below.
Once more, I shoulder the risk and head toward the loo. Nothing happens. Wow, I have now managed to defy the 8-to-1 odds against my survival, so I must be living right. But these odds will certainly kill me soon, so the only proper way to fight back mathematically is to devise thousands and thousands of theories which do not involve bodily injury, thereby diluting the immediate risk and keeping me alive long enough to brew some coffee.
Isn’t this mental folly so obvious? Those people who believe that both scientific/rational explanations and supernatural/unfounded explanations are equally likely are not employing the intellect contained within their frontal lobes. They are willing to discard thousands of years of accumulated knowledge in a misguided and laughable attempt to “remain open-minded.”
Why do I care? Because, sadly, some of these folks are actually in charge of stuff.
Religion – Doomed To Fail
Posted on | June 26, 2009 | No Comments
Every study conducted in recent years concerning the religiosity of the U.S. (at least those that I am aware of) shows a decline in the percentages of those who claim to have religious faith. To be sure, this decline is small in the overall picture but it is steady and seems to be accelerating.
On a good day, when I’m feeling optimistic about future society – which isn’t very often, if you follow this blog – I can foresee the rapid shedding of religious beliefs in America perhaps two or three generations from now.
As it becomes less and less stigmatizing to proclaim one’s nonbelief, closet atheists will begin to “come out” in growing numbers. At some inflection point, it will become mainstream or, at least, no longer socially acceptable to vilify someone over their atheist or agnostic beliefs. Eventually, it will no longer be political suicide to be openly unreligious.
Influenced by advances in science and technology, more and more parents will become less rigid about brainwashing their offspring with outdated, dogmatic silliness. That next generation will have the chance to become the first nonreligious majority in American society. After that, religion will peel away like an onion and only the fundamentalists and die-hards will remain, relegated to the margins of society like cults or the Amish are today.
It was much the same process with slavery and its acceptance. And we are now on the tail-end of the process with homosexuality.
After all, the power of religious groups lies not in their ideas but in their numbers. And as those numbers decline, so too shall their power. Glory be the day.
Tags: atheism > dogma > doomed > faith > homosexuality > mainstream > religion > slavery
The Six Dumbest Reasons to Reproduce
Posted on | May 22, 2009 | 5 Comments
- To keep the family name alive. Of all the senseless, vain things to do, you would bring a human life into this world solely to keep your last name in the phone book? Moron.
- To have someone take care of you in your old age. This has to be just about the most pathetic excuse in existence to create a human life. Here’s something for you to consider: don’t have the kid, and save all the money you would have had to spend on clothing, food, and a college education. With the interest on this money over 40 years, you will be able to pay for whatever services you’ll need in your old age, without having to depend on the twerp to have a conscience.
- To finally give your parents the grandchildren they wanted. Ugh. Grow a spine and tell them that it’s your life and you’ll live it as you see fit. Why do people keep giving in to these guilt campaigns?
- To have someone to help out on the farm. You don’t want to hire someone or do it yourself, so the solution is to breed cheap labor? You should be sterilized immediately, before you ponder purchasing that 40-acre lot next to your existing land.
- To get a man to marry you. Holy crap, you just hit the royal flush of stupidity. Far more likely that he will either
a) leave town immediately or
b) stick around long enough to marry you, resent you, and then leave town, unable or unwilling to pay your child support. - Because the bible says to “be fruitful and multiply.” Have a look around you. Do you see a shortage of people? I thought not. If you’re going to run your life strictly on advice contained in the bible, then please know that disobedient children should be put to death. I’m counting on you to uphold your biblical obligations.
The Militant Atheist, The Businessman, And The Fibber
Posted on | May 2, 2009 | 1 Comment
I’ve never been a fan of the term “militant atheist.” It implies that the subject has their ideological sword ready at all times to do battle with the fidels (look, I made up a word!) The term “devout atheist” or “staunch atheist” seems to get the job done without characterizing them as out picking senseless fights.
It’s not my style to get in the face of religious people and tell them they are worshiping a man-made fantasy. Not only would that be rude and uncomfortable, but also I have come to terms with the fact that it’s not my job to fix the world.
As the owner of a small business, I sign contracts with new customers on a regular basis. Prior to the actual signing, there is often a getting-to-know-one-another discussion, and occasionally during these sessions, the prospective client brings up his or her religion. Often, it comes in the form of asking which church I attend or in the form of an invitation to his or her own church, because, “Reverend <Who-Gives-A-Crap> is the absolute best. You’ll love him.”
How should I handle these situations? I could proudly beat the atheist drum and let them know that I have no use for sky pixies, but, uh, that might be bad for business. I try to take a milder approach, letting them draw an erroneous conclusion but without my actually lying. For example: “Thank you for the invitation, but religion is deeply important to me, and I’m very happy where I am right now.” I then deftly change the subject back to business.
How do my fellow atheists deal with these predicaments? What do you do or say to otherwise pleasant people who foist their religious beliefs on you?
Tags: devout atheist > militant atheism > militant atheist > religion > religious people > sky pixie
Hunting – The Bigger The Gun, The Smaller The Mind
Posted on | April 12, 2009 | No Comments
While in a sports bar recently, I saw an arcade-style video game called “Big Buck Safari.” A young man – naturally wearing boots and a cowboy hat – was pumping the little shotgun and blowing the hell out of whatever “sport” animal appeared: deer, bear, elephant. Points were lost or the game ended when you hit some “non-sporting” animal, such as a cow.
What the hell is it with guys who like to “hunt” for game? I can’t not put the word in quotes because it hardly qualifies as hunting in any meaningful sense. Several buddies getting together, drinking beer, hiding in the grass – or a tree stand – or a duck blind – and waiting until some unsuspecting creature “on the list” wanders along so they can send metal projectiles through it? Yeah, not hunting and certainly not “sporting.”
This is hardly a man vs. creature battle of wits and brawn. These buffoons drive out to their killing fields via truck and fossil fuel, they don their Cabela’s hunting outfits, and they point $500 rifles at passing animals. Clearly, it’s not because they need the food, as evidenced by the size of their bellies. Hell, one can buy a lot of groceries for five hundred bucks.
And don’t give me that crap about the need for “population control” of this or that species. That’s baloney and any thinking person knows it. If humans need to control an animal population, there are scientific and humane methods to go about it without the need to send out a mass of armed drunken morons to do the job.
So what’s it all about? Why do grown men find it rewarding to inflict pain, misery, and death upon elegant wild creatures? Inadequacy, self-doubt, and insecurity are no doubt at work here. My job sucks. My life is not going the way I envisioned it. I’m not good at anything. I have a tiny dick.
The more noble part of me wants to feel sympathy and pity toward these hapless idiots, but mostly I can only manage contempt.
Tags: cruelty > gun > guns > hunt > hunters > hunting > idiots > insecurity > morons > rifle > shotguns
Church Foreclosures – Good For My Heating Bill!
Posted on | March 22, 2009 | No Comments
So it turns out that not just individuals and banks overextended themselves during the mortgage boom, but some churches did also:
Yahoo article on church foreclosures
I find this news so delicious! Churches out of money, having to close, and getting evicted. I am hoping soon to find a church asset sale nearby, so I can attend the auction and perhaps bid on any huge wooden crucifixes being sold. My plan is to take them home, cut them up, and add them to the woodpile.
Then, sometime next winter, these crucifixes may be able, for the first time, to provide actual comfort (in the form of heat) rather than imaginary.
Tags: asset sale > auction > church > churches > closing > crucifix > evict > eviction > foreclosure > mortgage > overextended
Better Off Ted – Predicting A Bomb
Posted on | March 18, 2009 | 2 Comments
Readers of this blog know that when I’m not railing about religion or some other strain of stupidity, I enjoy attacking the lack of creativity in our society. Like idiocy and incompetence, lack of originality is pervasive. You can’t get through the day without several fresh encounters.
So I’m watching some show on ABC and they are running commercials ad nauseum promoting a new show, “Better Off Ted.” As far as I can tell, it’s yet another “office environment hell” sitcom. Yay. But here’s the thing: nothing, not one flipping thing, in the promo was funny. Instead, it was painful and awkward to watch. Is it fair to assume that they culled the best stuff for their enticing advertisement? And this was it?
Don’t they use test audiences? Don’t they use that feedback to kill crappy shows before they blow the budget on full production?
A daring prediction right now, 5:30pm EDT, Wednesday, March 18, 2009, a few hours before the premier: this show will be canceled before the season is out.
Tags: abc > better off ted > bomb > cancel > cancelation > prediction > sitcom > unfunny > unoriginal
Language Pet Peeves – A Sampler
Posted on | March 1, 2009 | 5 Comments
I am hardly a language purist. In fact, I can tolerate – even embrace – the coining of new words or expressions, such as “ginormous” or “I LOL’d” or “bling.”
But there are some things which are just maddeningly wrong, up with which we should not put:
supposably – There is no such thing. Go ahead, look it up.
basically - Let’s just all agree never to use the word again. It adds no value. You would be better off saying “ummm” and at least conveying your lack of certainty more clearly.
infer - Pleeeeeez stop using this word if you aren’t sure you’re using it properly. Just use “imply” – it’s almost certainly what you mean anyway.
literally - Ugh. Most of the time, you mean precisely the opposite when you use this word. Just stop it before I literally gouge your voice box out with a garden trowel.
irregardless - the textbook definition of this word is “rusty nail across a chalkboard.”
to give 110% – If you are math-challenged and find yourself using this phrase uncontrollably, follow this advice: stick a loaded gun into your mouth and keep pulling the trigger until the issue is resolved. We’ll all thank you.
There. I feel much better now.
Tags: abuse > basically > english > give 110% > grammar > infer > irregardless > language > literally > misuse > pet peeve > supposably
About
My name is John. I have opinions about everything, especially about how to solve world problems. Most of my rants have to do with the runaway stupidity on this planet. If you don't agree with my views, that's OK - it's a free country (kinda). Just don't mistake this site for a democracy!
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