Religion – Doomed To Fail

Posted on | June 26, 2009 | No Comments

Every study conducted in recent years concerning the religiosity of the U.S. (at least those that I am aware of) shows a decline in the percentages of those who claim to have religious faith. To be sure, this decline is small in the overall picture but it is steady and seems to be accelerating.

On a good day, when I’m feeling optimistic about future society – which isn’t very often, if you follow this blog – I can foresee the rapid shedding of religious beliefs in America perhaps two or three generations from now.

As it becomes less and less stigmatizing to proclaim one’s nonbelief, closet atheists will begin to “come out” in growing numbers. At some inflection point, it will become mainstream or, at least, no longer socially acceptable to vilify someone over their atheist or agnostic beliefs. Eventually, it will no longer be political suicide to be openly unreligious.

Influenced by advances in science and technology, more and more parents will become less rigid about brainwashing their offspring with outdated, dogmatic silliness. That next generation will have the chance to become the first nonreligious majority in American society. After that, religion will peel away like an onion and only the fundamentalists and die-hards will remain, relegated to the margins of society like cults or the Amish are today.

It was much the same process with slavery and its acceptance. And we are now on the tail-end of the process with homosexuality.

After all, the power of religious groups lies not in their ideas but in their numbers. And as those numbers decline, so too shall their power. Glory be the day.

The Six Dumbest Reasons to Reproduce

Posted on | May 22, 2009 | 2 Comments

1. To keep the family name alive. Of all the senseless, vain things to do, you would bring a human life into this world solely to keep your last name in the phone book? Moron.
2. To have someone take care of you in your old age. This has to be just about the most pathetic excuse in existence to create a human life. Here’s something for you to consider: don’t have the kid, and save all the money you would have had to spend on clothing, food, and a college education. With the interest on this money over 40 years, you will be able to pay for whatever services you’ll need in your old age, without having to depend on the twerp to have a conscience.
3. To finally give your parents the grandchildren they wanted. Ugh. Grow a spine and tell them that it’s your life and you’ll live it as you see fit. Why do people keep giving in to these guilt campaigns?
4. To have someone to help out on the farm. You don’t want to hire someone or do it yourself, so the solution is to breed cheap labor? You should be sterilized immediately, before you ponder purchasing that 40-acre lot next to your existing land.
5. To get a man to marry you. Holy crap, you just hit the royal flush of stupidity. Far more likely that he will either
      a) leave town immediately or
      b) stick around long enough to marry you, resent you, and then leave     town, unable or unwilling to pay your child support.
6. Because the bible says to “be fruitful and multiply.” Have a look around you. Do you see a shortage of people? I thought not. If you’re going to run your life strictly on advice contained in the bible, then please know that disobedient children should be put to death. I’m counting on you to uphold your biblical obligations.

The Militant Atheist, The Businessman, And The Fibber

Posted on | May 2, 2009 | 1 Comment

I’ve never been a fan of the term “militant atheist.” It implies that the subject has their ideological sword ready at all times to do battle with the fidels (look, I made up a word!) The term “devout atheist” or “staunch atheist” seems to get the job done without characterizing them as out picking senseless fights.

It’s not my style to get in the face of religious people and tell them they are worshiping a man-made fantasy. Not only would that be rude and uncomfortable, but also I have come to terms with the fact that it’s not my job to fix the world.

As the owner of a small business, I sign contracts with new customers on a regular basis. Prior to the actual signing, there is often a getting-to-know-one-another discussion, and occasionally during these sessions, the prospective client brings up his or her religion. Often, it comes in the form of asking which church I attend or in the form of an invitation to his or her own church, because, “Reverend <Who-Gives-A-Crap> is the absolute best. You’ll love him.”

How should I handle these situations? I could proudly beat the atheist drum and let them know that I have no use for sky pixies, but, uh, that might be bad for business. I try to take a milder approach, letting them draw an erroneous conclusion but without my actually lying. For example: “Thank you for the invitation, but religion is deeply important to me, and I’m very happy where I am right now.” I then deftly change the subject back to business.

How do my fellow atheists deal with these predicaments? What do you do or say to otherwise pleasant people who foist their religious beliefs on you?

Hunting – The Bigger The Gun, The Smaller The Mind

Posted on | April 12, 2009 | No Comments

While in a sports bar recently, I saw an arcade-style video game called “Big Buck Safari.” A young man – naturally wearing boots and a cowboy hat – was pumping the little shotgun and blowing the hell out of whatever “sport” animal appeared: deer, bear, elephant. Points were lost or the game ended when you hit some “non-sporting” animal, such as a cow.

What the hell is it with guys who like to “hunt” for game? I can’t not put the word in quotes because it hardly qualifies as hunting in any meaningful sense. Several buddies getting together, drinking beer, hiding in the grass – or a tree stand – or a duck blind – and waiting until some unsuspecting creature “on the list” wanders along so they can send metal projectiles through it? Yeah, not hunting and certainly not “sporting.”

This is hardly a man vs. creature battle of wits and brawn. These buffoons drive out to their killing fields via truck and fossil fuel, they don their Cabela’s hunting outfits, and they point $500 rifles at passing animals. Clearly, it’s not because they need the food, as evidenced by the size of their bellies. Hell, one can buy a lot of groceries for five hundred bucks.

And don’t give me that crap about the need for “population control” of this or that species. That’s baloney and any thinking person knows it. If humans need to control an animal population, there are scientific and humane methods to go about it without the need to send out a mass of armed drunken morons to do the job.

So what’s it all about? Why do grown men find it rewarding to inflict pain, misery, and death upon elegant wild creatures? Inadequacy, self-doubt, and insecurity are no doubt at work here. My job sucks. My life is not going the way I envisioned it. I’m not good at anything. I have a tiny dick.

The more noble part of me wants to feel sympathy and pity toward these hapless idiots, but mostly I can only manage contempt.

Church Foreclosures – Good For My Heating Bill!

Posted on | March 22, 2009 | No Comments

So it turns out that not just individuals and banks overextended themselves during the mortgage boom, but some churches did also:

Yahoo article on church foreclosures

I find this news so delicious! Churches out of money, having to close, and getting evicted. I am hoping soon to find a church asset sale nearby, so I can attend the auction and perhaps bid on any huge wooden crucifixes being sold. My plan is to take them home, cut them up, and add them to the woodpile.

Then, sometime next winter, these crucifixes may be able, for the first time, to provide actual comfort (in the form of heat) rather than imaginary.

Better Off Ted – Predicting A Bomb

Posted on | March 18, 2009 | 2 Comments

Readers of this blog know that when I’m not railing about religion or some other strain of stupidity, I enjoy attacking the lack of creativity in our society.  Like idiocy and incompetence, lack of originality is pervasive.  You can’t get through the day without several fresh encounters.

So I’m watching some show on ABC and they are running commercials ad nauseum promoting a new show, “Better Off Ted.”  As far as I can tell, it’s yet another “office environment hell” sitcom.  Yay.  But here’s the thing: nothing, not one flipping thing, in the promo was funny.  Instead, it was painful and awkward to watch.  Is it fair to assume that they culled the best stuff for their enticing advertisement?  And this was it?

Don’t they use test audiences?  Don’t they use that feedback to kill crappy shows before they blow the budget on full production?

A daring prediction right now, 5:30pm EDT, Wednesday, March 18, 2009, a few hours before the premier: this show will be canceled before the season is out.

Language Pet Peeves – A Sampler

Posted on | March 1, 2009 | 3 Comments

I am hardly a language purist.  In fact, I can tolerate – even embrace – the coining of new words or expressions, such as “ginormous” or “I LOL’d” or “bling.”

But there are some things which are just maddeningly wrong, up with which we should not put:

supposably – There is no such thing.  Go ahead, look it up.

basically - Let’s just all agree never to use the word again.  It adds no value.  You would be better off saying “ummm” and at least conveying your lack of certainty more clearly.

infer - Pleeeeeez stop using this word if you aren’t sure you’re using it properly.  Just use “imply” – it’s almost certainly what you mean anyway.

literally - Ugh.  Most of the time, you mean precisely the opposite when you use this word.  Just stop it before I literally gouge your voice box out with a garden trowel.

irregardless - the textbook definition of this word is “rusty nail across a chalkboard.”

to give 110% – If you are math-challenged and find yourself using this phrase uncontrollably, follow this advice: stick a loaded gun into your mouth and keep pulling the trigger until the issue is resolved.  We’ll all thank you.

There.  I feel much better now.

Proof That Visiting Space Aliens Do Not Exist

Posted on | February 24, 2009 | 1 Comment

It is, of course, impossible – or at least devilishly difficult – to prove a negative.  I cannot prove that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny don’t exist.  Nor can I prove that your chosen deity doesn’t exist.  (Ahh … but I can mock you for your belief!  In fact, I would rank that among my top three hobbies.)

So how about all those space aliens buzzing around our planet spying on us and playing practical jokes on country bumpkins, whom no one will believe?  Well, in a nutshell, they don’t exist.  I know, I know, proving a negative and all.  But I’m going to apply a little math to bolster my case.

There are millions upon gazillions of camcorders, digital cameras, and cell phones, each with the ability to take video with very short notice, spread copiously across our planet.  You need only visit YouTube and other similar websites to see the mind-boggling array of human activities and natural occurrences captured – ranging from the mundane to the truly exceptional.  So many of those amazing spontaneous events that would otherwise be consigned to hearty storytelling for a few decades are now being immortalized for millions of internet viewers, present and future.

So where are all the alien spacecraft?  If they were visiting us in the numbers purported, there would be dozens – no, thousands - of convincing videos capturing the buggers.  Instead, all we get are the same old grainy specks that we had since the 1960s.  Come on!  I want to see some aliens, dammit!

Sadly, I won’t be seeing any real ones, because they don’t exist.  As far as I’m concerned, they have been mathematically excluded.  However, as we know, believers will be believers.  And they will stop at nothing to protect their cherished beliefs.  One of my favorites is when they explain the absence of reliable video evidence by stating that, “the aliens are far more advanced than us and they can control our minds to forget the event and they can erase our digital evidence.”

Puh-leez.  How friggin’ stupid can you be, anyway?

Ostracization Just May Be The Answer

Posted on | February 17, 2009 | No Comments

No, I’m not talking about increasing the number of ostrich farms…

What should we do with the most reviled individuals in our society?  Child molesters.  Those that bilk seniors out of their life savings.  Spam kings.  You know who I mean.

It’s clear that our legal system – as great as it is – cannot bring these scumbags to justice, so they continue to walk among us.  And, unfortunately, those of them who have become wealthy (largely due to their lack of social conscience) are enjoying a lifestyle that few of us will ever see.

If we could devise a foolproof way to identify these creeps, then we could launch a worldwide passive campaign against them: just pretend that they are invisible.  Ignore them.  Shun them.  Don’t shake their hand.  Don’t make eye contact.  Don’t acknowledge their existence in any way.

How would Mr. Spammer feel if no one at the hotel desk would give him a room?  If no waiter would be willing to take his order?  If no contractor would be willing to work on his house?  How would he feel about his money if it could no longer buy him his toys and comforts?

Think about treating the human garbage in your neighborhood in this manner.  Consider them invisible.  Now, if you’re driving along and you see them up ahead in the crosswalk…well, let’s just make that a game-time decision, OK?

What Punishment Fits Bernie Madoff’s Crime?

Posted on | January 26, 2009 | 5 Comments

We have all heard the saying that “the punishment should fit the crime,” but opinions vary wildly when it comes to assigning specific penalties for specific crimes.

What is the appropriate punishment for Bernie Madoff? He has all but admitted to stealing $50 billion dollars, yet he is enjoying the comforts of his multimillion dollar New York penthouse instead of the claustrophobia of a prison cell.

(Meanwhile, a woman in Iowa got arrested for not returning a $14 library book!)

No punishment dreamed up will ever restore that money to the Madoff investors, just as assuredly as no amount of excruciating torture of a murderer will ever restore his victim’s life. So what should the goal of societal punishment be?

I am not a proponent of rehabilitation or of second chances for those criminals who have committed infractions that are irrecoverable. Furthermore, I don’t see any point in locking people up like animals for the rest of their lives, just because it is “more humane.” What it is is expensive and cruel.

The practical and truly humane option – though not politically viable – is to end the lives of these criminals. If they have received due process and have had a fair chance to defend themselves up to the highest applicable court, then they should no longer be afforded the privilege of living among us.

Is there really that much of a difference between murdering someone and stealing their life savings? If you maliciously take away the ability of another human being to enjoy the rest of his life, whether it be via bullet or Ponzi scheme, are you not destroying them either way?

I don’t see any reason for drawing a distinction. These perpetrators are of no use to society. Have the moral courage to admit it.

Death for Bernie.

Ben Stein’s Lunacy and Roger Ebert’s Send-Up

Posted on | January 12, 2009 | No Comments

I have a confession to make. Years ago, I was a fan of Ben Stein. I enjoyed his deadpan and sometimes droll sense of humor, and “Win Ben Stein’s Money” was a sure stop for me while channel surfing.

At the time, I was blissfully unaware of his fundie religious beliefs and his willingness to discard journalistic integrity in the interest of promoting his wacky agenda.

A few months ago, I saw this clip of him, along with other so-called financial experts, telling the world in August 2007 that stocks were cheap and the subprime mortgage problem was “tiny.” Sure, market predictors are wrong just as often as they’re right, but you have to admit, this was a doozy:

I also had read many reviews of Stein’s movie, “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed.” By all accounts, it is a pure hatchet job on the truth and is fundamentally flawed on so many levels that to even call it a film is perhaps being generous. Blaming the theory of evolution for the Holocaust? Claiming intelligent design is a scientific undertaking? C’mon!

Anyway, I just stumbled upon Roger Ebert’s review of the film. He delivered an exquisitely artful response to the film and Stein’s tactics, better than I ever could. So I won’t try. Just read:

Roger Ebert’s review of Ben Stein’s “Expelled”

Thank you Mr. Ebert for having the courage to write an honest review. And thank you Chicago Sun-Times for allowing him to publish a blog post that is sure to be controversial, at least to the weak-minded American populace.

Perhaps there’s hope for this planet after all.

Nah.

It Is Not My Job To Fix The World

Posted on | January 2, 2009 | 1 Comment

When I read articles or advertisements in the mainstream media dealing with alternative medicine, transcendental meditation, organic foods, and such, I feel anger. Why is that?

It is not my job to fix the world.

Right now, there are people spending money on water pills, a.k.a. homeopathic remedies, instead of going to the doctor. I want to shake some sense into them.

It is not my job to fix the world.

Every second of every day, well-intentioned parents are introducing their child for the first time to the dogma of religion and the existence of a supernatural power. I want to intercede and save the youngster from the most prevalent form of child abuse in existence.

It is not my job to fix the world.

Time and time again, hopeful entrepreneurs are being swindled by age-old scams such as vending machine routes, penny stocks of mining companies, and multi-level marketing programs. I want to remind them that if it sounds too good to be true – or if they have to buy inventory for their new sales job – it’s a ripoff!

It is not my job to fix the world.

Want to take a guess what my primary resolution is for 2009?

keep looking »

Recently Written

• Religion – Doomed To Fail
• The Six Dumbest Reasons to Reproduce
• The Militant Atheist, The Businessman, And The Fibber
• Hunting – The Bigger The Gun, The Smaller The Mind
• Church Foreclosures – Good For My Heating Bill!
• Better Off Ted – Predicting A Bomb
• Language Pet Peeves – A Sampler
• Proof That Visiting Space Aliens Do Not Exist
• Ostracization Just May Be The Answer
• What Punishment Fits Bernie Madoff’s Crime?

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About

My name is John. I have opinions about everything, especially about how to solve world problems. Most of my rants have to do with the runaway stupidity on this planet. If you don't agree with my views, that's OK - it's a free country (kinda). Just don't mistake this site for a democracy!

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