The Six Dumbest Reasons to Reproduce
Posted on | May 22, 2009 | 5 Comments
- To keep the family name alive. Of all the senseless, vain things to do, you would bring a human life into this world solely to keep your last name in the phone book? Moron.
- To have someone take care of you in your old age. This has to be just about the most pathetic excuse in existence to create a human life. Here’s something for you to consider: don’t have the kid, and save all the money you would have had to spend on clothing, food, and a college education. With the interest on this money over 40 years, you will be able to pay for whatever services you’ll need in your old age, without having to depend on the twerp to have a conscience.
- To finally give your parents the grandchildren they wanted. Ugh. Grow a spine and tell them that it’s your life and you’ll live it as you see fit. Why do people keep giving in to these guilt campaigns?
- To have someone to help out on the farm. You don’t want to hire someone or do it yourself, so the solution is to breed cheap labor? You should be sterilized immediately, before you ponder purchasing that 40-acre lot next to your existing land.
- To get a man to marry you. Holy crap, you just hit the royal flush of stupidity. Far more likely that he will either
a) leave town immediately or
b) stick around long enough to marry you, resent you, and then leave town, unable or unwilling to pay your child support. - Because the bible says to “be fruitful and multiply.” Have a look around you. Do you see a shortage of people? I thought not. If you’re going to run your life strictly on advice contained in the bible, then please know that disobedient children should be put to death. I’m counting on you to uphold your biblical obligations.
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5 Responses to “The Six Dumbest Reasons to Reproduce”
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My name is John. I have opinions about everything, especially about how to solve world problems. Most of my rants have to do with the runaway stupidity on this planet. If you don't agree with my views, that's OK - it's a free country (kinda). Just don't mistake this site for a democracy!
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May 31st, 2009 @ 2:51 pm
What about this one: “to spread my genes because I am so great”. Even the ugliest stupidest individuals happen to think that not reproducing would mean a great loss to humanity.
And I heard a crazy one the other day: “because otherwise I would be bored”. Wow, the guy’s an engineer and he can’t think of a decent activity; no hobby, no passion. Sad.
You forgot the biggest reason: to stop paying taxes. Awful but so common.
May 31st, 2009 @ 4:50 pm
Yes, these are several that I overlooked, especially the taxes. That one makes me want to sit down and cry.
August 17th, 2009 @ 7:55 pm
I’m not sure but I would have to think that God gave the fruitful/multiply command to Adam and Eve because if they didn’t then this whole shebang wouldn’t have got to far.
I am going to have children because I desire to raise them and the fact that I like to have unprotected sex with my wife.
PS: I’m not Jewish so I will spare the stones.
August 17th, 2009 @ 8:18 pm
David – In your first paragraph, when you refer to the fictional cast of characters (God, Adam, Eve), you are embracing the Old Testament.
In your final comment, you are eschewing the Old Testament.
This is a “cafeteria-plan” form of Christianity.
December 10th, 2009 @ 12:52 am
Who are you??? Whoever you are, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, thank you an infinite number of times.