Oh The Stupidity! » idiots

Who Falls For This Crap?

admin — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 16:49:35 +0000

I know newspapers are hurting these days, as they have failed to keep up with the technological changes in the world. But are things so bad that mainstream papers have to take advertising dollars from outright scam artists? Are things so desperate for them that the editor can’t reject a fake-Amish-mantle-heater-energy-saving-scam-device-that-is-actually-made-in-China ad?

Here is the jewel that I found in today’s newspaper:

You would have to be pretty devoid of brain cells to think any part of this ad was real. URGENT HEALTH ALERT. Fake good-looking twenty-something scientists in white lab coats holding up test tubes and looking through microscopes, while the scam artist’s Cylapril product is (badly) Photoshopped into the photo. Ugh.

“Researchers discover main ingredient in new diet pill produces legitimate weight loss.” How much you wanna bet that the main ingredient is caffeine?

“Shipments being rushed … to meet huge demand” What morons are falling for this baloney?

I know it’s a free country, and I know that people should be free to waste their money however they choose, and I know that a fool and his/her money were lucky to get together in the first place, but I just can’t shake the desire to round up these scammer charlatans, force-feed them some useless diet pills, and then roast them alive on an overpriced Amish space heater.

The Six Dumbest Reasons to Reproduce

admin — Fri, 22 May 2009 22:44:02 +0000

To keep the family name alive. Of all the senseless, vain things to do, you would bring a human life into this world solely to keep your last name in the phone book? Moron.
To have someone take care of you in your old age. This has to be just about the most pathetic excuse in existence to create a human life. Here’s something for you to consider: don’t have the kid, and save all the money you would have had to spend on clothing, food, and a college education. With the interest on this money over 40 years, you will be able to pay for whatever services you’ll need in your old age, without having to depend on the twerp to have a conscience.
To finally give your parents the grandchildren they wanted. Ugh. Grow a spine and tell them that it’s your life and you’ll live it as you see fit. Why do people keep giving in to these guilt campaigns?
To have someone to help out on the farm. You don’t want to hire someone or do it yourself, so the solution is to breed cheap labor? You should be sterilized immediately, before you ponder purchasing that 40-acre lot next to your existing land.
To get a man to marry you. Holy crap, you just hit the royal flush of stupidity. Far more likely that he will either
a) leave town immediately or
b) stick around long enough to marry you, resent you, and then leave town, unable or unwilling to pay your child support.
Because the bible says to “be fruitful and multiply.” Have a look around you. Do you see a shortage of people? I thought not. If you’re going to run your life strictly on advice contained in the bible, then please know that disobedient children should be put to death. I’m counting on you to uphold your biblical obligations.

Hunting – The Bigger The Gun, The Smaller The Mind

admin — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 16:40:11 +0000

While in a sports bar recently, I saw an arcade-style video game called “Big Buck Safari.” A young man – naturally wearing boots and a cowboy hat – was pumping the little shotgun and blowing the hell out of whatever “sport” animal appeared: deer, bear, elephant. Points were lost or the game ended when you hit some “non-sporting” animal, such as a cow.

What the hell is it with guys who like to “hunt” for game? I can’t not put the word in quotes because it hardly qualifies as hunting in any meaningful sense. Several buddies getting together, drinking beer, hiding in the grass – or a tree stand – or a duck blind – and waiting until some unsuspecting creature “on the list” wanders along so they can send metal projectiles through it? Yeah, not hunting and certainly not “sporting.”

This is hardly a man vs. creature battle of wits and brawn. These buffoons drive out to their killing fields via truck and fossil fuel, they don their Cabela’s hunting outfits, and they point $500 rifles at passing animals. Clearly, it’s not because they need the food, as evidenced by the size of their bellies. Hell, one can buy a lot of groceries for five hundred bucks.

And don’t give me that crap about the need for “population control” of this or that species. That’s baloney and any thinking person knows it. If humans need to control an animal population, there are scientific and humane methods to go about it without the need to send out a mass of armed drunken morons to do the job.

So what’s it all about? Why do grown men find it rewarding to inflict pain, misery, and death upon elegant wild creatures? Inadequacy, self-doubt, and insecurity are no doubt at work here. My job sucks. My life is not going the way I envisioned it. I’m not good at anything. I have a tiny dick.

The more noble part of me wants to feel sympathy and pity toward these hapless idiots, but mostly I can only manage contempt.

How To Become Our Next President

admin — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 05:34:54 +0000

We live in crazy times indeed. The most insolvent entity in the history of civilization just whipped out its checkbook and wrote a $700 billion check in an attempt to fix a mess of its own creation. If the federal government were subject to the same rules that apply to you or me, it would have been foreclosed upon a long time ago and sleeping under an overpass right now.

Republicans are idiots. They advocate lower taxes and less spending, and then they lower taxes and increase spending.

Democrats are idiots for wanting to turn the nation into a welfare state. But at least they have the good sense to maintain a tax level that supports their spending.

Here’s an ingenious scheme that I am going to give away for free. If you want to be elected President, change your legal name to “Noneof TheAbove” and they will vote for you by the millions.